Why Super Mario 3D World is the world's best cat simulator

Super Mario 3D World (2013)

Super Mario 3D World (2013)

I have come to the conclusion that I love cats. We aren’t entirely sure if cats are fully capable of love back, of course. Sometimes, you get this realisation that they're only there for food and warmth. In terms of reciprocal loving gestures, they’ll tend to bring you back the occasional dead bird or mouse. Great, just the snack you wanted, right?

But it's traditionally been difficult to explain the appeal of cats to some people - you have to own one, or otherwise have one in your life, to really know. But then that makes me sound like one of those ghastly parents who takes great pride in telling other people, "you don't understand, you don't have kids" when you ask them to explain why it's acceptable for little Jaxxson to puke all over your shoes.

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But if there’s still some kind of bitter rivalry between cats and dogs, then don’t worry - I’m not down on dogs just because I love cats. I’ve got support for both sides. But do you ever notice that cat people don’t tend to bear much ill-will towards dogs?

And yet I find that this pet camaraderie rarely goes the other way; dog folks will say cats are evil, which they aren’t… mostly. Or they’ll say cats are smelly, when I guarantee you that dogs are smellier. Or they’ll find some other perceived negative trait to hit cats with.

Maybe it’s an introvert versus extravert thing, this whole cats versus dogs business? And if that’s the case, then it’s little wonder the cats have purred and nuzzled their way into a soft spot in my introverted heart.

Of course I can accept that there are some proper mangy, borderline feral felines masquerading as pets out there. In fact, there are likely millions of cats like that. But that’s where you show a bit of cleverness - just leave that particular cat at the shelter, instead of bringing it home and having it chew on your toes everyday.

Nah, even I’m not that heartless. And even if I tried to be, the cat would have none of it. The second I showed disdain for the cat, they’d be all rubbing up against me, giving me purrs like an eight-litre V12 engine, and those big old eyes like Puss in Boots. You know cats, it’s what they do.

I also believe, and we’re getting into some pseudo-science here, but I really think cats give off some chemical that makes you obsess over them and makes you feel the need to take care of them. Huff too much of that mysterious stuff though, and you’ll end up with toxoplasmosis, which is no bueno.

As long as you can avoid that though, you’ll find cats to be a beautiful companion. Now don’t worry, I don’t tend to go controversial in these pieces. Not all the time, at least. And I’m not going to make a rod for my own back here by suggesting that cats could threaten the title of Man’s Best Friend, a title long held by the doggies.

I’m just saying that, when a cat curls up on your lap, and has a little sleep there, you feel great. You feel like the chosen one. And you don’t dare move a muscle for fear of rousing the little ball of fluff. You kind of know, deep-down, that they’re strictly pragmatic creatures, and are most likely sitting on you solely because you’re a primo source of warmth. But what’s so wrong with a cute little symbiotic relationship like that?

Yes, cats are alright by me, and they should be alright with you too, provided one hasn’t scratched your face to bits or anything like that. And plainly, they’re alright with the Japanese as well; you will have seen the famous maneki-nekos, the beckoning cats, who adorn almost every shopfront in Japan, and Asian restaurants worldwide for that matter, all there to bring great luck and fortune, typically in the form of big-spending customers. Who says black cats are unlucky?

The cats are more yellow and pink than black in Super Mario 3D World, and for sure you’ll be seeing plenty of them here, as they’re the major new motif and power-up for this game. You’ll even be seeing piddly little Goombas adorning little cat-ears in this game. And I didn’t think anything could make cat-ears unsexy, well, I’ve been proven drastically wrong.

This is a direct sequel to Super Mario 3D Land on 3DS, which was a decent old game, though some might have preferred the raccoon theme that game had going on. Well, with this game releasing on home consoles, namely the Wii U and later the Switch, the floor was opened up to simultaneous local multiplayer for up to four players, which is mental fun - for a few minutes at least. Some issues do become apparent.

Really my main problem with this game, and this could very likely be me messing up, but it can often be difficult to tell where you're jumping, especially if the camera is pulled way back and you're making some terribly difficult jump in the background.

It makes you feel as if you've got absolutely no depth perception, as if you could only see through one eye. Maybe this is Nintendo's way of driving the cat theme even further home, because we all know that cats are never too far away from deciding to claw one of your eyes right out of their sockets - if you don’t believe me, you just try giving your own cat a bath and see what happens.

It doesn't matter too much, since you'll only lose a wee bit of progress when you fall off the level, and you'll have dozens if not hundreds of lives built up. But, as is usual for a Nintendo game, the main game may be easy on the whole, but 100%ing it is where the real work begins.

It does get a bit much though - you'll need to beat every single level with all five characters (the two plumber boys, the girl and Toad, plus an unlockable character) which is a bit extraneous, to say the least. We all wanted to see Peach in a cat costume, I know, but doing so in Mario Kart 8 is probably the better way to go.

You can forget about doing all this in a multiplayer setting, I’ll tell you that. Help is always nice, but having multiple characters onscreen quickly becomes difficult to follow. It was a cool idea and selling point, but I think that 2D Mario just suited same-time multiplayer a lot better. I don’t rate the multiplayer in Super Mario 3D World at all.

This is one of those games that originally released on Wii U, before getting a re-release on Switch to capitalise on the many millions of missed sales. Normally I would lash out with some rant against the Wii U here, but there wasn’t too much nonsense with this title.

It wasn’t held back by the Wii U, in fact it’s one of the most Wii U-ey games out there. And Super Mario 3D World is a fully-fledged Mario title, no matter what console you play on - though obviously the Switch remake is the way to go, with its nifty additional Bowser’s Fury sidegame, bringing some proper open-world gameplay to Mario.

The game keeps on going and going with unlockable worlds behind unlockable worlds, not to mention memorable musical themes and some fantastic level designs. The Nintendo Mario design magic is still present here, be in no doubt about that.

But this is one that you’re better off tackling alone, as it doesn’t take too kindly to big loud crowds and all the noise that goes with it. There you go, then; in Super Mario 3D World, Nintendo have created the purrfect cat game simulator. At least, until Stray came along.

9 January 2026