How playing Super Mario Odyssey is like wearing your finest gladrags
Super Mario Odyssey (2017)
Super Mario Odyssey (2017)
You don’t need to take a trip to my long abandoned Instagram account (and there’s a few of them) to learn that I’m not the most fashionable dresser. Back in the day, I dressed like a scarecrow.
I’m very much a function over form kind of man, I just see clothes as social necessities. So long as it keeps the wind from tickling my privates, and I don’t embroil myself in any tricky-to-explain work disciplinaries or court cases, I’ll wear it.
I think one of the main reasons why I’m such a fashion disaster is that my “wardrobe” is essentially a shelf beside my bed with that week’s clothes folded on top of it, often two abreast, both towers dangerously teetering like a block of ghastly flats just ready to collapse.
Each morning, I grab some articles of clothing from the top of this pile, and the winning garments are whichever ones have the least obvious creases. That’s my ensemble for the day.
See, that’s the teeny-tiny drawback you get with your modern day IT jobs - since you’re no longer required to dress like a filing cabinet, just another shirt and slacks merchant, you’ve now got to put some thought into what you wear.
Don’t worry, I’m acutely aware that women have fifty times as much of this mental load to contend with every day. It’s not just the clothes choice, but they’ve got to get their hair and make-up spot on, and even then there’ll probably be some snake talking behind her back or making backhanded compliments to her face, sparking off a political fracas.
Of course, I could always go buy some more clothes to throw on the pile, rather than getting my usual six days out of boxer shorts; that’s frontwards, backwards, upside-down, and then the same three again but this time you turn them inside-out.
But isn’t clothes shopping such a pain? Well, it is if you’re me. I usually just buy it as I see it, rather than actually going and trying the clothes on. After all, any filthy urchins could have gotten their grime all over that nice shirt, and in today’s virus-conscious times one can never be too careful.
I also dislike using the changing rooms because of the mirrors in there. I don’t get along with them, or see eye-to-eye with them should I say. Perhaps my belly is to blame (perish the thought) but are they the most unflattering mirrors you’ve ever looked in or what?
And the lighting, God. It all means that buying jeans can be a right old gamble for me, especially when the cartel of apparel stores still don’t seem to agree on what size “Medium” actually is. And you can be quiet with your derisive snort there, because despite my oft-bloated belly, I’m still a medium somehow.
But when I find those special shirts, jeans and sheuxs that fit so well and successfully take on that difficult task of hiding my lovehandles, then I tend to stick with them for as long as I can.
Or failing that, I just run with the classic plain-white-tee-under-lumberjack-shirt combo. My friends (fellow fashionistas, naturally) have even taken to calling them ‘Burkey shirts’. People sometimes say my fashion sense is ten years behind? Mate, I’m five years ahead.
You take my favourite pair of black jeans as another example. The legs are actually too long, they’re like bloody flares, so they keep catching under my shoes and getting scuffed and all cut up. I can put up with this annoyance of course, because they look the business on me. These are the sacrifices one makes to be fashionable, you see.
I’ll tell you this, I wish I could change my clobber as often as the portly plumber does in Super Mario Odyssey, and still look as good as he does. I want to say first of all that I’ve been dying for a Super Mario Galaxy 3 for a frightening 15 years, or just 7 years prior to Odyssey coming out on Switch in 2017. I shall just have to make do with the upcoming Mario Galaxy movie, I suppose.
In any case, I was gumming for a new 3D Mario game. Especially since Mario 3D Land and World just didn’t really do it for me. I think a surprisingly big factor in the hype for me was the vocal song ‘Jump Up Super Star’, sung by series old-timer Pauline of all people. Well, I’m sure there was a real-life singer actually doing the signing, but next you’ll tell me The Gorillaz aren’t real.
In the run-up to the game’s release, on more than one occasion I’d be found driving my car, windows down, blaring that song as loudly as my cassette-tape auxiliary adaptor could carry it. Why, you ask? Why not? I’ve previously made an Instagram post about Mario Odyssey, saying quite simply that if this game doesn’t make you smile, then balls to you. You ain’t worth knowing.
I’ll admit that, apart from getting roped in by enchantress-turned-songstress-turned mayoress Pauline, the other thing majorly drawing me into the game was the new capture gimmick. Simply toss Mario’s cap onto a T-Rex, and now you’re the T-Rex. Or you’re the Cheep Cheep or you’re the Goomba or the RC Car or my favourite, the Wiggler-type bug that stretches across chasms like an accordion.
You’ll run into all kinds of capturable (if I can throw my cap on such a word) enemies and objects across 17 levels. Some of the objects and creatures you can transform into are a bit boring and functional, but most of them are a real thrill to discover. Who hasn’t wanted to become a Hammer Bro?
The goal is to rescue Princess Peach of course, who this time is being coerced into marriage by Bowser. That’s a wee bit problematic really, but it’s best not to think about it too much. To get around the world in your large, hat-shaped ship, you’ve got to collect Power Moons.
No, not Stars, you gotta get that bit right. Stars are last year’s buzz. I can tell you that there’s over 900 Moons to grab in this game, which definitely gets the mouth watering. Sure beats 120 Power Stars, or even Galaxy 2’s total of 242 Power Stars, clear out of the water.
But keep in mind, a lot of these lunar buggers are just found right out there in the open, or available to purchase in shops, strangely enough. On top of that, there’s hundreds of special Purple Coins to gather, a lot less like the torturous Purple Coins in Galaxy 1 and much more like the pleasant Musical Notes in Banjo Kazooie. Throw in bundles of bosses, great music, heaps of ingenuity and non-linearity and you’ve got another 3D Mario classic that will stand the test of time.
In true Nintendo fashion, getting to the end credits of the game is manageable enough, but it gets tougher and tougher if you want to get everything. You will probably stretch the controls as far as they can go, as you close in on 100%.
The game will even gently push you towards motion controls on more than one occasion, which you’ll want to avoid. Thankfully, I don’t believe there’s anything that your dainty little accelerometerised Joy-Con can do, that absolutely cannot be done on a manly, straight-laced controller. You just might find some of the moves harder to pull off.
None of it stopped me from 100%ing Odyssey, spending over 50 hours to do so and having tons of fun doing it, until finally the time came to hang the game up. There it is now, on my shelf, pristine, almost winking at me. It’s like your best suit - it almost seems to tell me that I can have the utmost confidence and faith in it, that anytime I choose to wear Super Mario Odyssey, we’ll make a sensational pairing. Why can’t everything else on my shelf be as appealing as this?
6 February 2026