Sonic Advance (2001)
The longer nights are rolling in, and you know what that means - the summer is over, and there’s no need for you to exercise anymore. No, wait, hang on this is exactly the time to start exercising - you need to get that summer body ready for next year.
Summer bods, eh? I’m very committed to avoiding that endeavour, each and every year. Like most right-minded people, I much prefer a heavy banquet to a heavy gym session. But motivation and ambition are funny, fleeting things. And every so often, you just get this burst of energy, prompting you to get out there to be all you can be.
I’ll be honest, always my primary motivation for exercise and weight loss is to look good naked. But you see, being a happily committed man as I am means that this type of motivation no longer exists - the competition is over.
But I can’t get to age 40 or 50 being a podgy pudding, now can I? So it’s back to the weight-loss regime for me, which means meticulous calorie counting, hiding my salivation over other people’s pizza, refusing any birthday or wedding cake that may come my way. And most heart-breaking of all, transitioning from full cans of baked beans to mere half cans.
You could probably do most of your weight-loss through calorie reduction alone, especially if you’re around the age of 18. Get too long in the chubby tooth like me though, and your metabolism begins to make noises standing up and wakes up with random pains.
So, it may be that I have to supplement my latest and greatest weight-loss regime with a spot of exercise as well. And since I regard all weight machines as deathtraps, any free weights as killing instruments, and pull-up bars as a surefire way to literally bring down the house, it’ll have to be cardio.
I know that any gym-bros reading this are probably furiously shaking their head now at the mention of cardio, and I also recognise that there is an absolutely miniscule overlap of gym-bros and retro game enthusiasts. But cardio always does beautifully for me. Running is the only form of exercise I’m halfway good at, and on the right day, I even somewhat enjoy it.
Sneerers among you might point out that I prefer running because it costs nothing, unless you count the cost of a decent pair of running shoes. But guess what, I outrun the creditors there as well: I’ve employed the same set of running shoes since I started running in 2014, and I haven’t once thought about swapping them out.
These particular shoes never once hurt my feet, they’re durable as hell, great in all weather, they provide me with a turbo speed-boost if I really concentrate hard enough, and they even give me an extra inch or two in height. They’re fantastic, and with a headstart like that, I was up and… running.
When you kick off a fitness buzz like this, you need to form a plan. You could just get out there and haul your arse around the local field of course, but you could collapse in a pile of stitches and sweat pretty damn quickly this way.
On top of that, generally you’re not going to know what you’re doing, and without any idea on how to progress, you’re far more likely to give it all up. But I promise you that this will be the last of my know-it-all gym veteran act. God, do gym bros get angry or what?!
Anyway, enter the Couch to 5k, the beginner running plan for any fat potato looking to make a difference in their lives. 9 weeks, three runs a week, 5 kilometres the target and a lollipop to treat yourself with at the end. And I have to say, with minimal melodrama, the Couch to 5K has changed my life.
I can never get over how perfectly judged each week of activity is, each run taking just about everything out of you, yet leaving just enough in you that you could throw on an extra minute or two if you really had to.
But no, no, leave that for the next run, and just bask for now in the shining light of your athletic triumph. Mind you, I never felt any of those “endorphins” they always talk about, or that runner’s high thing. What a load of nonsense that is, eh? Forget about feeling high, I’m actually bent extremely low, trying to catch my lung before it falls out, hallucinating and gasping for the coldest air I can get.
Still, the C25K marked a profound change in my life. See, I used to think that my body could not do exercise, and that was that. That I just wasn’t built to run. Some people are born deaf, some people are born colour-blind, some people cannot whistle. Some can't learn languages or do maths. And I can’t do exercise.
But it’s quite unbelievable how this beginner’s running program changed my fortunes. I can now call myself a runner, an athlete, something I would have considered quite unbelievable previously. And it confers a certain status. You are now part of a special club, you can give the knowing nod to other passing runners, and delight in getting out of their way. How cool is that?
I’ll tell you another runner whose status has changed shall I, and that’s Sonic the Hedgehog, if you hadn’t guessed. And it was a pretty incredible transformation in fortune when he began to crop up on Nintendo consoles. Poor Sonic, one of the kings of 90s gaming, was now having to swallow his pride, look weak in front of everyone, and finally go to work for the big bully, Nintendo.
Sonic Advance for the Game Boy Advance was one of the earliest appearances of Sonic on Nintendo consoles, although given that this was so long ago, back in 2001, perhaps we should be more tactful and not mention this awkward time in Sonic’s life. Instead, better to just clock the game for what it is - a better than average GBA platformer.
That sounds like a real damning with faint praise moment, but remember that Sonic 4 and many of the 3D titles are way below that average. Indeed, I think Sonic Advance will be better than you remember, if you give it a go these days. And yet it seemed to become forgettable, never to be held up as a genuinely great Sonic game, not that there are many of them anyway. I wonder why that is?
I reckon a lot of it is down to the music and sound, capabilities which the GBA is notoriously lacking on - not much in the tank at all. If I’m honest, whenever I think of bad GBA sound, my first thought runs to the Sonic Advance games. It all sounds less than 8-bit at times. This is a bit of a cardinal sin in Sonic’s world, and in the runner’s world too - even if your run goes badly, you ought to at least ensure that the soundtrack is banging.
Still, I’m not going to write Sonic Advance off for that. In fact, I’d kill for a few more games in Advance’s ilk these days, especially if Sonic Mania 2 never comes out. The level design is pretty decent really, and it takes some of the right cues from the best Sonic game of all, Sonic 3 & Knuckles - two acts per zone, different music in each act, that type of thing.
You've even got three additional selectable characters - Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and they all play differently. The challenge is alright, the levels are varied, there’s a 4-player multiplayer mode, there’s even a Tiny Chao Garden although it’s pretty damn basic.
There's a lot more to this game than meets the eye, even if the gaming press at the time dismissed it as an unholy matrimony of Nintendo and Sega, and cared for little more beyond that. I’d actually call Sonic Advance an underrated game, just like running in the rain is an underrated bit of fun. Don’t overdo either of them though - if the cold weather doesn’t make you vom, super Sonic speed definitely will.
17 October 2025